His Majesty, the Directess of all Directors, threw a party which was to culminate in a grand magic trick where he would pull a laddoo out of his hair and impress the ladies, goats and children.
However, some clown gate crashed and dunked his head in the punch.
after that, everything was different. everyone just talked about the clown and forgot about the magic trick. The Director in anger, fell asleep behind the curtains.
All people and the media now can do is talk,talk,talk about the clown. So what if the ice was running out? so what if dinner was late and people were hungry? everything was different. Everything had changed.
Or was it? There was still no ice and no food.
Shouldn't clowns be ignored or they win because all they want is attention?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Randy Pausch
Google news had Carnegie Mellon as a major newsmaker and it could mean only two things, either they had discovered the method to combat global warming or Randy Pausch was dead.
In the scheme of things, there cannot be a greater person than our esteemed Director (let us not talk about his zen), but Randy Pausch came pretty damn close.
The courage with which Randy Pausch faced his death has inspired millions worldwide.
His advice on 'Time management' helped us add a second screen to our workspace. However, being supremely drug addled and chasing children/goats we did not see any dramatic increase in output.
His speech on really achieving your childhood dreams also touched a deep chord in our leader who as you know deeply loves children. Like, really really loves them intimately.
In case you don't know what the fuck this post is about you will be advised to watch the following:
Time management: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
(He has also written a book based on the lecture. The jury is out about whether it really expands the subject of the lecture independantly).
In conclusion, it must be said in the words of our great leader: that the world needs less bangladeshis and malayalis and more people like Randy Pausch.
In the scheme of things, there cannot be a greater person than our esteemed Director (let us not talk about his zen), but Randy Pausch came pretty damn close.
The courage with which Randy Pausch faced his death has inspired millions worldwide.
His advice on 'Time management' helped us add a second screen to our workspace. However, being supremely drug addled and chasing children/goats we did not see any dramatic increase in output.
His speech on really achieving your childhood dreams also touched a deep chord in our leader who as you know deeply loves children. Like, really really loves them intimately.
In case you don't know what the fuck this post is about you will be advised to watch the following:
Time management: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
(He has also written a book based on the lecture. The jury is out about whether it really expands the subject of the lecture independantly).
In conclusion, it must be said in the words of our great leader: that the world needs less bangladeshis and malayalis and more people like Randy Pausch.
Ban the M's
After relentless bomb blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad, our Dear Leader and Weirder-than-thou Director has issued the following statement:
'Please do not panic. We feel that the Rs. 25,000 compensation that the Government will provide to those injured or dead is more than fair reparation for the losses suffered due to the complete failure to protect society from criminals. Take the money and if you don't want it, please donate it to charitable organizations such as, just to mention one off-hand, the Center of the Weird Side.
Terrorism a horrible thing. It is going to destroy society. Not AIDS. Not drugs. Not global warming. Not appropriation of the State by vested interests. It's the goddam Maoists and Muslims. Curses and a pox on them!
To counter the situation we demand that all things with M be BANNED:
Munna bhai. Mangoes. Ma. Moustaches. Monkeys. Mandira Bedi. Mogambo. Mocambo. Mauritians. Money hai to honey hai. Marutis. And so on.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE SOCIETY!'
End of the statement.
'Please do not panic. We feel that the Rs. 25,000 compensation that the Government will provide to those injured or dead is more than fair reparation for the losses suffered due to the complete failure to protect society from criminals. Take the money and if you don't want it, please donate it to charitable organizations such as, just to mention one off-hand, the Center of the Weird Side.
Terrorism a horrible thing. It is going to destroy society. Not AIDS. Not drugs. Not global warming. Not appropriation of the State by vested interests. It's the goddam Maoists and Muslims. Curses and a pox on them!
To counter the situation we demand that all things with M be BANNED:
Munna bhai. Mangoes. Ma. Moustaches. Monkeys. Mandira Bedi. Mogambo. Mocambo. Mauritians. Money hai to honey hai. Marutis. And so on.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE SOCIETY!'
End of the statement.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Free advice
Our esteemed Director (he owns a Maruti Esteem), swift thinker (i think you're getz-ing it), omnivanous eater, with great altottitude, gypsy spirited, having sex 4 times a week at least and so on..
has decided to covert this blog into one for self-help. this is divinely inspired idea and has no resemblance to suhel seth's blog in the Telegraph (we are so pathetic we don't where that was stolen from) Sunday magazine.
Here goes:
Q: Dear Director,
My mother meant everything to me. A few years ago she was killed in a massive train accident. She was so badly injured that we had to identity her by her jewelery. Her mangled corpse haunts me in my sleep. What can I do for closure?
A: Please. This is hardly a problem young fool. Surely you would have received Rs. 2 lakh compensation from the Indian Railways. Buy a top of the line European cycle with that money as it will be hard to get anything else top of the line with that money and enjoy.
In the future, please do not waste our precious leaders time with such inane queries.
has decided to covert this blog into one for self-help. this is divinely inspired idea and has no resemblance to suhel seth's blog in the Telegraph (we are so pathetic we don't where that was stolen from) Sunday magazine.
Here goes:
Q: Dear Director,
My mother meant everything to me. A few years ago she was killed in a massive train accident. She was so badly injured that we had to identity her by her jewelery. Her mangled corpse haunts me in my sleep. What can I do for closure?
A: Please. This is hardly a problem young fool. Surely you would have received Rs. 2 lakh compensation from the Indian Railways. Buy a top of the line European cycle with that money as it will be hard to get anything else top of the line with that money and enjoy.
In the future, please do not waste our precious leaders time with such inane queries.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Denver Cattle Show '88
It has been a few days and our MP's have not returned. There is also no sign of the children or the goats.
Speaking of which the Mumbai High Court has upheld the rights of paedophiliacs internationally. We must laud our Courts, our Supreme Leader and Generally An Awfully Nice Guy has declared.
Let us not forget their previous invention, the smoking ban. Please read carefully what I said about Charu Sharma in that post. Are you surprised what happened to the Bangalore Royal Challengers?
Coming back to the main point.. man-boy love is a great thing and nothing to apologize for, as this old man seems to spend all this time doing.
Our Director and Misleader, deeply missing his favourite goats and children, took occasion from his daily substance abuse to watch the trust vote.
He was agitated that when the stacks of money were waved around. He was sad that he was not the Speaker and could have put away the money 'as evidence only'. I mean.. someone should go out there and see if the money is real by testing if it really works. We volunteer our noble and independent institution, the Center of the Weird Side, to this. Mr. Speaker Sir. We are at your service. Our Stupendous Leader too.
There were some great speeches made. Parliament as an exhibition of human variety is unparalleled. Not even the Miss Universe franchise can come close. Though our Leader himself prefers the Denver Cattle show. The show of '88 was a classic. Apparently there was this bull there with a great big..
it seems we have to go now. But democracy is a good thing. Especially, since it protects paedos.
Speaking of which the Mumbai High Court has upheld the rights of paedophiliacs internationally. We must laud our Courts, our Supreme Leader and Generally An Awfully Nice Guy has declared.
Let us not forget their previous invention, the smoking ban. Please read carefully what I said about Charu Sharma in that post. Are you surprised what happened to the Bangalore Royal Challengers?
Coming back to the main point.. man-boy love is a great thing and nothing to apologize for, as this old man seems to spend all this time doing.
Our Director and Misleader, deeply missing his favourite goats and children, took occasion from his daily substance abuse to watch the trust vote.
He was agitated that when the stacks of money were waved around. He was sad that he was not the Speaker and could have put away the money 'as evidence only'. I mean.. someone should go out there and see if the money is real by testing if it really works. We volunteer our noble and independent institution, the Center of the Weird Side, to this. Mr. Speaker Sir. We are at your service. Our Stupendous Leader too.
There were some great speeches made. Parliament as an exhibition of human variety is unparalleled. Not even the Miss Universe franchise can come close. Though our Leader himself prefers the Denver Cattle show. The show of '88 was a classic. Apparently there was this bull there with a great big..
it seems we have to go now. But democracy is a good thing. Especially, since it protects paedos.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Bad math and coming darkness
Yes our Holiness 'had' promised to clean up his act and not hang out that much with the children and goats and stay about from the 'prasad' but the Divine had other plans...
Anyway, his Holiness now has expressed the will to mumble some wisedoms.. this should be all you are concerned about.
When Mayawati had won her last election our fine Institution had put up this statement. No wait... it was this one.
We had stated she was the best person to win. And we stand by the statement.
Maya Aunty
A reliable source, a corporate top honcho, though obviously deeply biased by class yet we can assume was bearing true witness, stated that in a meeting to discuss investment in U.P., Mayawati came bounding out of the bathroom to greet them still tying her pyjama drawstrings, swaggering like a man at them. Not quite Oxford, what chaps? We are not aware if they had to immediately shake her hand. We would have gone with the namaste.
Worse still, our Supreme Leader for Life and Incarnation/Reincarnation, was deeply disappointed to see that Mayawati seemed too interested in erecting statues of herself and generously handing out political vendetta instead of governance. We who believe in honesty, sexual prowess and an infinite supply of free underwear to all citizens as well as democracy, know that the people of UP will not stand for this for too long.
But more on that later.
The trust vote
The Indian media has gone to town proclaiming that it's a 'Great Bazaar'. In fact we too went to Lok Sabha and bought two MP's at a racked out price of Rs. 20 crore. We were sad because later on rediff we found that MP's we going at Rs. 15 crore. However, we felt better when some fool paid Rs. 100 crore for an MP and was refused! Also our MP's have run away with some of the Director's favourite children and goats.
We found out that this vote is not going to be decided by money, it's going to be decided on the next elections.
There is a strange nuance at play here.
The Congress and the Left would like us to believe that it is all about the Nuclear Deal. The BJP wants us to believe that given the constitutional frame-work of a trust vote, it is about faith in the government.
The government has fucked up over the last four years. yet, we need the deal. it's not critical but it's better for the country. a step in the right direction. or maybe not.
So various options exist. You can:
1. vote for the UPA if you like them. UPA, RJD etc
2. vote for the UPA if you like the deal. SP, NC etc
3. vote against the UPA if you hate Sonia's haircut- Mayawati, TRS, TRP etc.
4. vote against the UPA if you hate Americans- the Left cheek.
5. vote against the UPA if you like 'urdu speakers'- SP rebel.
6. Abstain if you can't make up your mind. Obviously, Mamata Banerjee, a few depressed surds and some Shiv Sainiks.
7. Free dinner parties. Everyone.
We can understand that elections are inevitable. Then why is the Congress risking so much for what?
It doesn't add up?
The answer, and this goes out of the numskulls in the Indian media: is because Manmohan Singh wants the deal.
I really think that his economic assessment of sanctions and embargoes of our country is hurting us and he wants to end this. He confronted the BJP about this when they did Pokhran II in the Rajya Sabha.
But the opposition has made this one about political convenience and that is what is going to determine what happens. Not principles. And except for the odd straggler, definitely not money.
The future and what's at stake
It was touch and go for India's liberalization process in the last confidence vote. It's touch and go for the scientific progress for India now.
If it happens, awesome. If it doesn't. We're fine today. We'll be fine tomorrow.
But it's the emerging political fallout that is immensely interesting.
A new order is forming very fast and the next elections are going to be better than Shilpa Shetty's yoga video. (Our Director recommends it seriously). At least buy the VCD if you are financially constraint.
The Left is going to be reduced significantly in the next elections. Prakash Karat has led the party off the ledge. People are deeply disillusioned with the party. Unless, they make the government fall. Even then that will staunch but not stem the bleeding.
However, if people in Kerala like coconuts and Bengalis love mustard, people in UP love making Prime Ministers. I really think the Congress has picked the losing side in UP in the next Lok Sabha elections. Unless Amaritabh Bacchan-Singh-Ambani can cook up some real magic, Mayawati is going to sweep UP.
the random Southies will then join her bandwagon because they'll want Dalit votes. And nothing attracts randoms like the perception of power.
Maya Aunty- Prime Minister
She's a Dalit superstar. And she is going to be the king maker in the next Parliament. Maybe even make a Queen.
Will this be a good thing for India?
In politics there is really no good or bad. It's like a law of science. It's about inevitability.
If the economic progress of this country leaves out the poor and the marginalized and if the poor and the marginalized are in the vast majority, they are obviously going to elect someone that they would consent to having in power. the poor accept corruption but they would like one of their own to get the spoils. the one who manipulates them the best gets the gaddi. Mayawati holds the right caste credentials and a phenomenal base to build her prime ministerial ambitions from.
it is not clear who will win the next election but one thing is clear: the intellectual classes of india have failed the poor. what is to be done?
help us trace the MPs we bought and who ran away with our children and goats and we promise that we will introduce you to them and encourage friendships. lose yourself in these simple pleasures.
the night is always darkest before the light.
Anyway, his Holiness now has expressed the will to mumble some wisedoms.. this should be all you are concerned about.
When Mayawati had won her last election our fine Institution had put up this statement. No wait... it was this one.
We had stated she was the best person to win. And we stand by the statement.
Maya Aunty
A reliable source, a corporate top honcho, though obviously deeply biased by class yet we can assume was bearing true witness, stated that in a meeting to discuss investment in U.P., Mayawati came bounding out of the bathroom to greet them still tying her pyjama drawstrings, swaggering like a man at them. Not quite Oxford, what chaps? We are not aware if they had to immediately shake her hand. We would have gone with the namaste.
Worse still, our Supreme Leader for Life and Incarnation/Reincarnation, was deeply disappointed to see that Mayawati seemed too interested in erecting statues of herself and generously handing out political vendetta instead of governance. We who believe in honesty, sexual prowess and an infinite supply of free underwear to all citizens as well as democracy, know that the people of UP will not stand for this for too long.
But more on that later.
The trust vote
The Indian media has gone to town proclaiming that it's a 'Great Bazaar'. In fact we too went to Lok Sabha and bought two MP's at a racked out price of Rs. 20 crore. We were sad because later on rediff we found that MP's we going at Rs. 15 crore. However, we felt better when some fool paid Rs. 100 crore for an MP and was refused! Also our MP's have run away with some of the Director's favourite children and goats.
We found out that this vote is not going to be decided by money, it's going to be decided on the next elections.
There is a strange nuance at play here.
The Congress and the Left would like us to believe that it is all about the Nuclear Deal. The BJP wants us to believe that given the constitutional frame-work of a trust vote, it is about faith in the government.
The government has fucked up over the last four years. yet, we need the deal. it's not critical but it's better for the country. a step in the right direction. or maybe not.
So various options exist. You can:
1. vote for the UPA if you like them. UPA, RJD etc
2. vote for the UPA if you like the deal. SP, NC etc
3. vote against the UPA if you hate Sonia's haircut- Mayawati, TRS, TRP etc.
4. vote against the UPA if you hate Americans- the Left cheek.
5. vote against the UPA if you like 'urdu speakers'- SP rebel.
6. Abstain if you can't make up your mind. Obviously, Mamata Banerjee, a few depressed surds and some Shiv Sainiks.
7. Free dinner parties. Everyone.
We can understand that elections are inevitable. Then why is the Congress risking so much for what?
It doesn't add up?
The answer, and this goes out of the numskulls in the Indian media: is because Manmohan Singh wants the deal.
I really think that his economic assessment of sanctions and embargoes of our country is hurting us and he wants to end this. He confronted the BJP about this when they did Pokhran II in the Rajya Sabha.
But the opposition has made this one about political convenience and that is what is going to determine what happens. Not principles. And except for the odd straggler, definitely not money.
The future and what's at stake
It was touch and go for India's liberalization process in the last confidence vote. It's touch and go for the scientific progress for India now.
If it happens, awesome. If it doesn't. We're fine today. We'll be fine tomorrow.
But it's the emerging political fallout that is immensely interesting.
A new order is forming very fast and the next elections are going to be better than Shilpa Shetty's yoga video. (Our Director recommends it seriously). At least buy the VCD if you are financially constraint.
The Left is going to be reduced significantly in the next elections. Prakash Karat has led the party off the ledge. People are deeply disillusioned with the party. Unless, they make the government fall. Even then that will staunch but not stem the bleeding.
However, if people in Kerala like coconuts and Bengalis love mustard, people in UP love making Prime Ministers. I really think the Congress has picked the losing side in UP in the next Lok Sabha elections. Unless Amaritabh Bacchan-Singh-Ambani can cook up some real magic, Mayawati is going to sweep UP.
the random Southies will then join her bandwagon because they'll want Dalit votes. And nothing attracts randoms like the perception of power.
Maya Aunty- Prime Minister
She's a Dalit superstar. And she is going to be the king maker in the next Parliament. Maybe even make a Queen.
Will this be a good thing for India?
In politics there is really no good or bad. It's like a law of science. It's about inevitability.
If the economic progress of this country leaves out the poor and the marginalized and if the poor and the marginalized are in the vast majority, they are obviously going to elect someone that they would consent to having in power. the poor accept corruption but they would like one of their own to get the spoils. the one who manipulates them the best gets the gaddi. Mayawati holds the right caste credentials and a phenomenal base to build her prime ministerial ambitions from.
it is not clear who will win the next election but one thing is clear: the intellectual classes of india have failed the poor. what is to be done?
help us trace the MPs we bought and who ran away with our children and goats and we promise that we will introduce you to them and encourage friendships. lose yourself in these simple pleasures.
the night is always darkest before the light.
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