Sanjay Dutt in Vaishnoo Devi's cave

Due to objections from religious groups and minority groups (as seen for the Da Vinci Code and Bow Barracks Forever) the following disclaimer had to be added:

THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF FICTION AND HAS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

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SANJAY DUTT: heh ma! bole to log kehte hain ki main half muslim hoon. lekin main hindu hoon maa.. hindu hoon..

TOING!

SHAH RUKH KHAN: Heyehehey! Tum kya sochte hon.. all this prayer will save you from the law.. tum nahin jante ho.. kanoon ke hath lambe hote hain.. kaarm ka fal..

TOING!

Mahesh Bhatt: Dhokha! Muslims ke saat Dhokha hua hai.. Bloody America..

[At that moment he is struck in the head by a bullet and his head explodes.]

SRK AND SANJAY: What the...?

[Salman Khan pokes his head into the cave..]

Salman: Hey dudes! You guys like seen where my bullet is?

SRK: Heyehehey! Kya kiya hain tumne.. You shot Mahesh Bhatt.. now who'll make those crappy B grade films that make Kay-Jo look like a genius.. haainn?

Salman: Oh shit man! What does this crap always happen to me dudes?

SANJAY DUTT: Abe dhakan! Gun chalana nahin aata kya?

SALMAN: Hey dude.. can you like fire it like better than me dude?

SRK: Hey.. tum nahin jaante.. sare mulk mein yahi ek shooter hain jo..

SANJAY DUTT: actually ..bole to..

SRK: Kya nahin aata? But you..

SANJAY DUTT: arre.. we destroyed the guns before i could learn how to use them.. bole to..

TOING!

[Amitabh Bacchan appears. Everyone looks at him expectantly for his words of wisdom]

AB : What? I'm just here to pray...

TOING! [AB disappears]

SRK: He's not talking to me.. see.. see how he ignored me.. heyhehey

SANJAY DUTT: Bole to main bhai ko dubai mein phone kar sakta hoon.. woh usko line pe le aayega..

Salman Khan: No dude.. dont like get into this bhai-shai shit... see my bhais.. arbaaz and what not.. such crap ass films they make..

SANJAY DUTT: bolo to.. what are you guys doing here?

SALMAN: I'm like hunting dudes..

SRK: heyhehey..and i have an important message from Vaishnoo Devi...

[Tain Too Tain Too Tain Too (this is the description of the wail of a siren)]

TOGETHER: POLICE!

SRK: Gyara mulk hi police mujhe dhoondne mein na kaabiyaan nahi hooi hai..

TOING [SRK disappears]

Sanjay: [bitterly] Why dont i have superstar superpowers? I guess we dont have any choice but to give ourselves up like our dads told us to..

Salman: Are they like here for you or me dude?

Sanjay: Bole to.. i think you..

Salman: Why me dude.. are you saying there like something wrong with me..ill fuck you up..

Sanjay: Bole to .. no..no ..dont behave like im vivek oberoi.. im just saying that since you just shot mahesh bhatt .. they must have come for you..

Salman: shit dude.. why does this crap always happen to me?

[Police enters and pays respects to shrine and then promptly arrest Sanjay Dutt]

Sanjay: Bole to.. why me.. what have i done?

Police inspector [played by shakti kapoor] : Aaoo.. you've used VIP transport illegally ...aaoo.. and you're a half-muslim..

Sanjay: Arrest salman.. he just shot mahesh bhatt and bole to.. he's full muslim..

Shakit: aaoo... who the fuck cares about mahesh bhatt.. and we dont hate full muslims.. we hate half ones.. aaoo... next time if you want to visit vaishnoo devi use a bus... when i hear the word bus .. i want to say 'bus'.. 'bus'... 'bahut ho gaya' (shivers suggestively)..aaoo..come now..

[Sanjay Dutt hugs all the policemen and leaves with them]

Salman: Now what the fuck do i do now dudes..

TOING!

[SRK re-appears]

SRK: Heyeyeye.. i can coach you to be the best shooter in the world.. you can get a gold medal in china olympics.. if you cant compete you can go home and cook in the kitchen..

Salman: can i paint instead dude? I like painting..

SRK: Cook ..paint whatever..

Salman: btw.. what message did you have for Sanjay from Vaishnoo Devi?

SRK: Chak de India!

Salman: no seriously dude..

SRK: Karo.. DO..

Salman: If you dont stop with endorsements ill mash you up dude..

SRK: Om Shanti Om..

Dhiskaaaon... [Salman shoots SRK]

SRK (before dying): heyhehye.. that.. was..actually.. the..message... ack..

Salman: Shit dude.. why does this crap always happen to me?

THE END