Resurrection

Dear purveyor of the Center of the Weird Side or whatever this blog is called,

This blog.. no.. epistle of electronic awesomeness..no.. electronic scripture.. good..but not there yet.. hol-e-book.. or whatever.. has been on and off.. like our Great Leader's penchant for butterscotch ice cream..on little children or goat nipples. Goat nipples are of course called udders.

As you can be aware such a rich epistemology or in simple layman's terms, awesomeness, cannot be unrequited for too long. Our Father figure and ass abuser (though the donkeys don't mind it so much) has decreed this morning, that this blog be resurrected.

Ha! You may say. Ha!

Resurrections is not possible. Life is a form of fire and once a fire is extinguished it cannot be reignited. It is like a flatulence that once passed cannot be recollected and liquified as cooking gas. We can assure you that this is simply not possible. We have tried.

However, sometimes a fart can be ignited. There are videos on youtube that document the same. In exactly the same way, a person can be resurrected. In exactly the same way. Like Jesus was. Or Batman after Superman allegedly killed him. Or the person who we can't name (PW2CN) will be judgement day.

Heck, everyone will be resurrected on judgement day. There's also supposed to be a lot of fire. Don't say Our Clairvoyant Casanova didn't tell you the source of all that energy.

So resurrection is like lighting a fart. That's the teaching point of this epistle of elephantine electronic empathy.

More later.. but did you know?

Pythagorus (who is said to have invented geometry) invented a religion who's central edict was not to eat beans? Some interesting explanations here. And here.

Another tenet of the religion was the belief in the transmutation of the soul, in simpler words, reincarnation. Or, in even more simple words, lighting someone else's fart.

Our Dear Leader signals his approval for this message. Sniff. Sniff. What's that smell?

An apology to Seth McFarlane

Our great Weeder is supposed to be cavorting right now with the devotees children but in his munificence would like to extend a penis felt apology to Seth McFarlane.

Not to be confused with a line of toys which our Dear Leader loves and uses to lure children to turn their backsides to him, Mr. McFarlane is an animator and creator of 'Family Guy'.

For the longest time on those evenings when the hookah has been stuffed with the finest green of Kerala it is awesome to spaz out with a few farm animals and children while watching cartoons. The young ones like them too.

Disney is just too gay these days so we turned to more adult entertainment.

It is obvious that Our dear Seeder had a major partiality to Southpark as it based around young children. Furthermore, there are scenes where hamsters are accommodated into homosexual people's poop chutes. Our Leader approved immensely. How he approved we cannot say right now as you may think it to be obscene. However, the defect is in you and not our Dear Pleader.

Southpark has conducted wars on Family Guy in particular accusing it of being written by sea animals. Immediately, we decided to start watching Family Guy as you know, we like animals. Very much.

We have concluded that the character of Stewie Griffin and Brian the dog are so brilliant that the obvious plagiarism of the Simpsons seems a lesser charge. Furthermore, the awesome manner in which the usual tropes of science fiction are manipulated within the situational context is fucking good. Fig jam. Fucking I'm Good. Just Ask Me. Fig Jam. Remember that.

Whatever happened to our favourite politician Priya Ranjan Das Munshi?

Sadly, he is deeply ill and in a coma. Luckily for us he has managed to rise to occasion by retaining his position as the President of the Indian Football Federation.

We would like to say on behalf of our Leader who approves with glazed eyes and a fall off his throne that it apt that the President of AIFF should be a man in coma. If that is symbolic of Indian sport we don't know what is.

Year in Review 2008-2009

It is mid August and according to our calendar as good a time as any to take stock.

There has been much drug addling and man-boy-goat love. Our Holey Leader has declared: 'Verily, it is I who has taken his magnificent creature who I have created magnificently'. He then pulled a little ball of hashish out of the creature's poop chute. It was the worst ball of hashish we had ever smoked.

These turn of events notwithstanding we feel it the air of new cultural mileau. Progress has no doubt been made this year.

The Lordship notes with approval that the Prime Minister of India continues to be the man with a downy billy-goat beard and a man whose name is synonous with video messaging. Besides, our Dear Feeder has said that L.K.Advani's bristly moustache would be pokey.

Henceforth, when we are more sober, which is rarely, we are considering taking this insitution in a new direction. Book reviews and shorter posts. Promises our Leader, stroking.. his beard.

Stupidity just got dumber. In India, that's an achievement. Wait.. on second thoughts, it's not.

Clowns

His Majesty, the Directess of all Directors, threw a party which was to culminate in a grand magic trick where he would pull a laddoo out of his hair and impress the ladies, goats and children.

However, some clown gate crashed and dunked his head in the punch.

after that, everything was different. everyone just talked about the clown and forgot about the magic trick. The Director in anger, fell asleep behind the curtains.

All people and the media now can do is talk,talk,talk about the clown. So what if the ice was running out? so what if dinner was late and people were hungry? everything was different. Everything had changed.

Or was it? There was still no ice and no food.

Shouldn't clowns be ignored or they win because all they want is attention?

Randy Pausch

Google news had Carnegie Mellon as a major newsmaker and it could mean only two things, either they had discovered the method to combat global warming or Randy Pausch was dead.

In the scheme of things, there cannot be a greater person than our esteemed Director (let us not talk about his zen), but Randy Pausch came pretty damn close.

The courage with which Randy Pausch faced his death has inspired millions worldwide.

His advice on 'Time management' helped us add a second screen to our workspace. However, being supremely drug addled and chasing children/goats we did not see any dramatic increase in output.

His speech on really achieving your childhood dreams also touched a deep chord in our leader who as you know deeply loves children. Like, really really loves them intimately.

In case you don't know what the fuck this post is about you will be advised to watch the following:

Time management: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

(He has also written a book based on the lecture. The jury is out about whether it really expands the subject of the lecture independantly).

In conclusion, it must be said in the words of our great leader: that the world needs less bangladeshis and malayalis and more people like Randy Pausch.

Ban the M's

After relentless bomb blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad, our Dear Leader and Weirder-than-thou Director has issued the following statement:

'Please do not panic. We feel that the Rs. 25,000 compensation that the Government will provide to those injured or dead is more than fair reparation for the losses suffered due to the complete failure to protect society from criminals. Take the money and if you don't want it, please donate it to charitable organizations such as, just to mention one off-hand, the Center of the Weird Side.

Terrorism a horrible thing. It is going to destroy society. Not AIDS. Not drugs. Not global warming. Not appropriation of the State by vested interests. It's the goddam Maoists and Muslims. Curses and a pox on them!

To counter the situation we demand that all things with M be BANNED:

Munna bhai. Mangoes. Ma. Moustaches. Monkeys. Mandira Bedi. Mogambo. Mocambo. Mauritians. Money hai to honey hai. Marutis. And so on.

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE SOCIETY!'

End of the statement.

Free advice

Our esteemed Director (he owns a Maruti Esteem), swift thinker (i think you're getz-ing it), omnivanous eater, with great altottitude, gypsy spirited, having sex 4 times a week at least and so on..

has decided to covert this blog into one for self-help. this is divinely inspired idea and has no resemblance to suhel seth's blog in the Telegraph (we are so pathetic we don't where that was stolen from) Sunday magazine.

Here goes:

Q: Dear Director,

My mother meant everything to me. A few years ago she was killed in a massive train accident. She was so badly injured that we had to identity her by her jewelery. Her mangled corpse haunts me in my sleep. What can I do for closure?

A: Please. This is hardly a problem young fool. Surely you would have received Rs. 2 lakh compensation from the Indian Railways. Buy a top of the line European cycle with that money as it will be hard to get anything else top of the line with that money and enjoy.

In the future, please do not waste our precious leaders time with such inane queries.